The Black Portraits

I think people, when they see a dark skinned Black woman, they can either be intimidated or think negatively about me. I think a lot of people think women, or Black woman, can be angry…But I’m not that at all. I just feel like people look at me and see something else that I am not. My family inspires me to just be who I am and not really care about what other people think. [When people have bad perceptions…] I kind of just don’t care. I’ve been taught to not take everyone’s opinion as fact, so I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me, but it still sucks that people have these racist tendencies, and thoughts and opinions. I try not to let it affect my day to day. I’m a producer in reality television. I love most that I get to work with some really cool and creative people and get to pick their brains. I work on shows that a lot of people love, especially children. I work on a lot of children’s shows. I just like to make people happy in my work. Work is fun…it can be fun. - Ash (with Arcanine) - 27, Creative, Outgoing, “Unapologetically me”

First time I’m including my questions to a participant in the post. It just flowed like that this time. Hope you enjoy, and thanks @klidepharrow for the words 🙏🏾 [What was your first reckoning with race?] Being an honor student, and still being arrested and put in handcuffs as a child. It was just me and my friend riding one bike. He was on my pegs and they pulled us over for not having and a seatbelt or something like that, something weird. This was the late 90s, like 1999 maybe 2001, 2002. [What did you internalize from that?] Just that I’ll be seen differently for who I am. And it also put me towards doing rock music and other music instead of just hip hop. [Have you faced any challenges being a rock musician that’s Black or have you fit in?] At first there was some tension but then as time went on, I was more accepted because I was who I was. Even the gang bangers in my area were like, “Nope. That’s KP. That’s how he is. He’s always been that way. Gotta respect it.” [Do people ever respond to your look or piercings in a certain way?] No. Not too bad nowadays (*laughs). Maybe before. Now, it’s a lot more open and everyone’s more accepting than the way everyone used to be. Klide - 33, Charismatic, Compassionate, Rockstar

Empathy is probably the biggest word that jumps out to me. Understanding that often times people aren’t doing things to you, they’re just doing things. ⁣ ⁣ If you can understand that, you can control your reaction to things and life becomes a lot easier, at least it has for me. ⁣ ⁣ Having a positive mindset and bringing energy into any space that you’re in, people have a way of feeling that. ⁣ ⁣ Just project positive energy. You’ll attract what you project.⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Abdul ⁣- 35, Intellectually Curious, Problem Solver ⁣

I had a difficult time, honestly, growing up because I was so light skinned. I’m not really light skinned, but kind of “white-skinned.” I got called names like, “Casper,” “glow worm.” How my family, my cousins would play hide-and-seek is they would tell me to go and stand with a White family and then whoever found me first, that was the game. ⁣ I wasn’t really accepted by the Black community. But I was so in love with the Black community. That’s what I adopted. It didn’t matter to me that I was light, or this color. I was just so in love with the Black race that I continued to be with them. I didn’t go away, because they, at first, kind of shunned me away. Now, they embrace me, of course, and they love me to death.⁣ God has created me this way. God created me with a forgiving heart and God created me with agape love. I know He did that because of what I am going to do in life. That’s just how He made me. And people don’t often understand that, like how I could be so forgiving. My mom says that someone could chop off my leg, and then I would still walk with that person, and that says a lot. It’s kind of true that I will do that and I don’t mind it. It’s not a burden to me, because it’s a God gift. God put that in me. God put that forgiving heart in me. God put that agape love in me. And there’s freedom in that and it’s not weak. ⁣ A lot of people believe that forgiving and loving is like some sort of weakness, but actually it’s a strength. Because you cannot be free if you’re not forgiving. You cannot be free to worship. You cannot be free to live. Right now, no matter what my circumstances, I’m free. I’m free, like no matter what.⁣ ⁣ Tsinina - 49, Resilient, Loyal ⁣

I wanted to be a firefighter ever since I was 5 years old. What sparked it was, my dad bought me one of those little push, red pedal cars. I use to attach the water hose to it, and I would go around and water my mom’s plants with my little pedal car. Yeah, and my dad was a mechanic and he would always want me to help him and I was like, ”No, that’s not what I want to do. I don’t want to get my hands dirty,” not realizing that firefighters get their hands dirty. He told me, “Boy, you better go to school and learn a trade…”⁣⁣⁣ ⁣ We lived a couple blocks from the fire station, and I would see the firefighters out there all together washing this big old truck and just laughing and having a good time, and I was like, “Now, that’s what I want to do for my job.” And then I pursued it. ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ (Toney was a firefighter for 27 years. He continued…)⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ We had a Black fire chief and race still was a component. ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I was at the fire station with this one guy, and every time we would go out to a call he was like, “Damn, I can’t believe those…” and he wouldn’t say the N word. He would say ‘nickels.’ “I can’t believe those nickels.” And he was talking about the people that needed fire rescue, and needed help! You know, they were African-American.When we went to other races, he didn’t say anything like that. ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣ So, I approached him and I was like, “Bro. Why do you keep calling people ‘nickels?’ Is that your way of saying, you know, “nigga?” And he’s said, “You know, they’re always out there begging for a nickel, and they’re Black and…” I said, “You know, stop it. And if you don’t stop it, I will report it.”⁣⁣⁣ ⁣ And he said, “Oh now, you want to play the Black Card?” I was like, “No. I want to play the Human Card.” ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Toney - 53, Retired Firefighter, Rehab Counselor, City Council Member (Duarte,CA)⁣⁣⁣

Around 5th grade, I was young, I went to a school that was populated with a diverse cast of people. I was somewhere in the middle. To them, I wasn’t necessarily Black. I was always “white bread” and stuff like that, because of how I spoke and how I enunciated my words; there was no slang involved.⁣ ⁣ I had a Korean friend, and he would always ask me, “Hey, do wanna go get some chicken?” And then his mother started to ask me, “Hey, you wanna go get some chicken?” And I was like, “No, I want some Korean food.” You know? Let me experience your culture. So it was at that point that I realized, okay me being Black…the stereotypes are real. I never understood that. I never got why, but at the same time, it was one of those things that really stuck out. ⁣ ⁣ I had so many friends of diverse backgrounds: Indian, Chinese, White and they were fine with it (me). But then, once you get into a certain grade where cliques start to matter, it’s kinda like “okay, I’m supposed to stick with my own kind?” It just made me realize I kind of have to break out of my comfort zone and not allow the stereotypes to get to me. They’re just ignorance, you know?⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Tyrone - 31, Fighter, Perseverer, Hard-Working ⁣ ⁣

"Who I am is Omar, what I do is try to motivate people. I’m a published author. The name of my book is ‘30 Days of Power.’ What I hope to impact on the world is just that, anything is possible. No matter what your situation is...Where you came from doesn’t determine your outcome. If you believe in yourself, that’s the only thing that matters. My book is basically pushing people to believe in themselves. You can achieve anything that you put your mind to in life, period. ⁣ ⁣ I am the walking definition of, ‘don’t judge a book by its cover.’ I have over 375 tattoos all over my body, everything. So you may look at me and see ‘criminal,’ which would be correct if you said that. I used to be. I used to be a lot of things. You may see ‘gangbanger.’ Which would be correct also, because I used to be that too. But what you don't see is: college graduate. What you don’t see is: multiple business owner. You don’t see: daytrader. You don’t see: published author. You don’t see: motivational speaker. You don’t see a person that goes to the jails and goes to schools and talks to kids about what’s going on in the world. You don’t see a person that speaks out about the stuff going on with Black people. That’s what you don’t see when you look at me. So never judge a book by its cover, because you never know what you’re gonna get. ⁣ ⁣ I'm not gonna say the word 'hope' because, I don't 'hope' for anything. It's not gonna change unless we make it change. Where I think we're at, as a people right now...We're in a position where we're going to have to force a change, or no change is gonna come. It's either you're going to get in the game, or you're going to sit on the sideline."⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Omar - 36, Ambitious, Pro-Black, Entrepreneur

I grew up in a town (Stamford, CT) where I was the only Black kid in a lot of my classes. I starting learning the race lesson in elementary school. To some, I wasn’t “Black enough” and, of course, I wasn’t White or any other race, so the back and forth began. I got it from all sides, being publicly chided, called “Oreo,” “White Boy,” or flat out being told I wasn’t Black. How I walked, talked, dressed or what music I did or didn’t listen to was used as my Blackness barometer. I still had friendships in my childhood, but always had an identity struggle, even if tacit, undetectable, and hidden within. ⁣ ⁣ I’m thankful that I fell in love with art at a young age because race plays less of a role in worth or personal judgement when creative expression is the focus. What’s your idea or design for a building? How well can you take a photograph? Being able to focus on creative endeavors has allowed me to be present, engage with, and be of service to others in incredibly rich ways. ⁣ ⁣ I’m also thankful that I fell in love with God. My faith has helped secure my identity for years. God made me Black for a reason and that will matter in this world, but foremost I am a believer, and what God thinks of me takes up much more of my mind and concern.⁣ ⁣ I once saw a trailer for a film called, “Leonie,” and a quote from it sums up a lot of my journey and hope for the future: “There are no boundaries for an artist. No borders. Your art will be your voice. Your art will be your weapon.” I hope that the creative ideas I have (such as this project, The Black Portraits) will break down borders and boundaries between people. Let’s love, enjoy, and see one another, the way God does: as equals.⁣ ⁣ Mallury - 38, Artist, Believer⁣ ⁣

I have two girls, ages 22 and 19. The oldest one just got a full ride to graduate school in Arizona. She is going to be a professor, and is mastering creative writing. My youngest girl is a dancer and performer, and so many more things. She’s so beautiful. My children are just incredible.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ My ex has very dark skin, and so they have darker skin than me, but lighter skin than him. I can handle darker skin people saying something to me because I don’t care. I’m Black, whatever you say. You know the ‘colorism’ thing...I’ve already dealt with all of that. That’s something that I grew up with. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ For my children, I was not having them look at my skin and say it was better because it was lighter. So what I did every day was say to them ‘I love your skin. I wish I had your skin. You’re so beautiful. Look at your skin! You’re just so pretty, honey, and smart. You have all you need.’⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ That’s the only thing; them standing on their own individually. I take my parenting very seriously. I don’t take myself seriously. I took my parenting very seriously. And so they love their skin. We don’t have an issue with that.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ And of course you go through different things, but the through line of me having to uproot that lighter skin is better, or I wish I was this, or wish I had that, or whatever...⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I wasn’t having it.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ - Faith - 48, Actor, Writer, Teacher, mother of 2 ⁣⁣

I grew up in a small town in Kansas. There were two sides for me. I got it on one side (from Blacks) for being light skinned and white people “liking my kind” and on the other side (from Whites), I got the N word, "tar baby," all those kinds of things.⁣ I had to learn who I was. Very quickly. In the six grade I was getting pushed around and really frustrated, and tired of it. I expressed that to my mother and she said, “Faith, the next time someone calls you the N word, I want you to raise your hand in class and ask the teacher ‘what does it mean?’” I was like “Mom, what? Okay! Alright, I’ll do it.” The next day, my white classmate calls me the N word. I remember my heart pumping so fast. There was something in me that said, “I just have to do it.” I raise my hand, stand up and say, “Miss (name), he called me the N word and I want to know what it means.” I remember the teacher being really frustrated. She got flustered and really red in the face, almost angry. I felt like, “Yeah I said it!” She sent both of us to the principal’s office. I remember sitting the principal’s office looking at him (the classmate) just determined and very peaceful and quiet even though I was scared. My classmate said, “I didn’t say that.” I remember looking over at him and staring at him without a word. I looked back at the principal and asked, “can I go now? He said yes. I was surprised that he asked me if I was okay and that he asked me what happened. I thought that whatever the consequences are, my momma said it was alright. I’m not going to get in trouble. When I left there I felt really empowered. ⁣ It gave me a no nonsense self advocacy, not only for myself but for the underdog. I walk through fear like fire is around me. I can be scared of something but I will go right down the middle of it. That particular time, me doing that, created a profound sense of connection to racism, a profound sense that I am Black, I will always be Black, but I love being Black. I never wanted to be anything other than Black. There was not one time that I ever thought in my life that I wished I was something else. I love being a Black woman in particular. ⁣ - Faith - 48, Actor, Writer, Teacher

Anything is possible. - Cornelius, Artist ⁣

Moving to LA from a small town in Connecticut almost 3 years ago was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my 31 years of life. It taught me that in order to grow, you must take a chance. I am a more independent, resilient and worldly woman because of it. I am forever grateful and I am using my experience to encourage others to conquer their fears by stepping out on faith. It’s so worth it.⁣ - Tiarra ⁣ ⁣

I’m a good man that wants to get my family into Heaven. - “Unknown” - 24, father of 2

Where I come from there wasn’t film...anything, no outlet for storytelling. It wasn’t an option or route unless you lived in Hollywood. I want to bring it (filmmaking) back to where I grew up (Newport News, VA) and bring it to kids as early as middle school so that in high school they see it as a door of opportunity. ⁣ ⁣ Growing up, on TV one time I saw the Cannes Film Festival and saw everyone dressed up in tuxes, I noticed that there were no Black people there whatsoever. When I went over there, even just for the short film festival, it just was a little bit of pride knowing that there was a Black face here representing, especially where I was from, bad news Newport News, Courthouse (Green).⁣ ⁣ In the feature films I work on, there is a message of humanity. The one we shot down in Colombia was dealing with the political climate there between the guerrillas, (or) the FARC and the Government, (and was) trying to bring the people together. Every step we try to take is to use our power and our voice for humanity.⁣ ⁣ - Tyler - 37, former Marine, Filmmaker